FIVE UNINTENDED EFFECTS OF THE WRITERS' STRIKE: The Opposing View

By now, we are all aware that the WGA Writers Strike is threatening to ruin all of our lives. This follow up to the Five Unintended Consequences of the Writers Strike examines those consequences and details how the exact opposite effects may be what our nation faces as the strike drags on. Below is a point by point refutation of the effects analyzed in the previous article:

1. Pirates Make Contribution to Society: We expected the piracy industry to be hurt by the lack of fresh material to steal. We never could have anticipated the end result. In need of something to rip off, pirates turned to making their own shows and movies ... and then pirating them. Although the quality of these shows and movies is somewhat limited by the meager production skills of the pirates, their attempts have provided America with its only new scripted alternative to reality TV. Recommendation: Consult a lawyer before buying a pirated copy of a movie made by a pirate, even if the pirate selling you the dvd is the same pirate who made the movie.

2. Increased Eyesight: We originally thought middle aged men would get injured when they turned to recreational sports to pass the time. However, in many ways, the opposite has proven true. Because they are no longer staring at the television screen for hours on end, there is a dramatic improvement in eyesight. This has had the side effect reduced car accidents. Recent analysis of sporting events shows that officials are messing up fewer calls as they can now actually see the game they are officiating. Recommendations: Sell your stock in eyeglass companies as demand for vision correction is expected to drop.

3. Decreased Use of Porn: Although the Porn industry has yet to join their mainstream comrades on the picket line, there is a school of thought that the strike will nonetheless lead to the downfall of the porn industry. Striking writers who are hurting for cash may turn to the adult industry to make ends meet. Given the competitive nature of the porn industry, most of these writers will not appear in films, but rather will wind up in one of 10 worst jobs in America, the porn reviewer. This will likely usher in a new era of highly literate porn critics. And we all know that writers make the toughest critics. As a result, the negative porn reviews may lead to people choosing to entertain themselves another way, such as reading a book. Recommendation: Until the strike is over, don't rely on reviews to select your porn. It will simply depress you.

4. Decreased Birth Rate: Freed from the addictions known as Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, and Grey's Anatomy, women will attempt to spend time with their boyfriends and husbands. No longer distracted by their favorite shows, women will start to notice the men in their lives and pay attention to them ... which is a bad thing because men will still fail to pay attention to women because they are watching sports. Women will soon realize that men are smelly, disgusting, and generally useless. Men will valiantly try to 'talk' with their ladies, but their crude conversational skills limit them to Deez Nuts jokes and stories about their bowel movements. The result? Women will realize that they'd rather read Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus than hook up with their crude companion. Recommendation: Dudes, try to keep your mouth shut, bathe a little more frequently, and pray your woman fails to notice how gross you are.

5. Decreasing Test Scores: Although initial analyis predicted that test scores would rise, further research indicates that they will actually plummet as bored teenagers turn to Bofa D's to fill the void in their hearts left by television. Unless their quiz is on geography, monkey balls, or people throughout history with funny names your children are destined to fail - Bofa D's is not in the business of making you smarter. Recommendation: Talk to your kids about how they are destined to fail, but that's ok, because reading Bofa D's is well worth a lifetime of mediocrity.

As you can see, this strike is about more than sharing profits from DVD sales and streaming internet video. It threatens to impact every facet of our lives.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ORIGINAL 5 UNINTENDED EFFECTS OF THE WRITERS STRIKE

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE TO THE 10 ADVANTAGES OF BEING BALD

CLICK HERE TO RETURN TO BOFA D's HOME PAGE

EDITOR'S NOTE: If you are an agent or producer looking for a quality movie script, you are in luck. Bofa D's has a brilliant comedy written and ready to go. If you are interested, contact us at Bofa D's. Let's do this!