Ten Stocks That Belong In Any Portfolio: Update
Going back to ancient times (like 2007), Bofa D's made a lot of people rich by publishing Ten Stocks That Belong In Any Portfolio. As a service to our loyal readers, we figured we'd go back and see how the stocks we recommended have fared in modern times (like 2014), along with a 'Riches!' or 'Bankrupt' verdict:
1. NUT: NUT was the ticker symbol for ML Macadamia Orchards LP, which engaged in growing and farming macadamia nuts in Hawaii. Now the ticker symbol is NNUTU. This isn't quite as easy to spring a classic Deez Nuts joke on your stock broker, but I suppose you could cobble together something with 'nut you' in it. Over the past five years, this stock has gone up over a dollar a share. Verdict: Riches!
2. DEZ: Back in the day, the DEZ ticker symbol referred to a company mysteriously named SPML ACCL RTN NT STO, making it a perfect complement to your shares of ML Macadamia Orchards LP (for those of you who are new to this - owning both resulted in a DEZ NUT porfolio). Nowadays, this stock seems to have disappeared. The closest stocks I could find are DEZ.DE, DEZ.HA, and DEZ.DU. In addition to losing your investment, you have also lost your Deez Nuts Joke. Verdict: Bankrupt
3. BLL: BLL is still the ticker symbol for the Ball Corporation, which provides metal and plastic packaging to the beverage, food, and household products industries. If you took our advice and bought at least two shares, you have enjoyed years of having a free pass to talk about your balls in any conversation. "My Balls are doing really well right now ... Yo, I'm just talking about the stock I own in the Ball Corporation!" In addition, this stock has shot up an amazing $30 a share, more than doubling, in the past five years. Verdict: Riches!
4. BUTT.Z: When we made our picks, BUTT.Z seemed almost too good to be true. There was actually a stock you can buy with the ticker symbol of BUTT.Z! At the time, this referred to a company called DJSEER TM UTI which cost around $950 a share. Sadly, it turns out it was too good to be true from a financial perspective. In present times, BUTT.Z still exists, but it refers to a company called ESTXTMUTI EUR NR. Not only does this make no sense, but it only costs $.72 a share. I'm not sure what happened to the $950 you invested in the old BUTT.Z, but at least this stock can still help your love life. When a member of the opposite sex is at your house, you ask if they want to see your BUTT.Z. If they say yes, you show them your rear end and let the good times roll! If they are offended, your investment will pay dividends - "I'm just talking about the stock I own in ESTXTMUTI EUR NR." Not only have you undone any potential damage, but you've shown your friend how rich you truly are. Verdict: Bankrupt
5. STR-OKE-MON Index: We recommended buying shares in Questar CP (STR), ONEOK Inc. (OKE) and Monsanto (MON) to create the STR-OKE-MON index, based on one of the world's most beloved characters (pictured below). We predicted that while STR-OKE-MON's movement up and down would get your heart racing, it was predicted to make a big splash in the next fiscal year. The good news is, all members of this index are still in existence. Not only that, but you actually would have gotten rich if you invested, as each stock has gone up big time (STR +$14, OKE +$48, and MON +$30 a share). While Strokemon has seen his popularity pale in comparison to a new cartoon sensation named Scrobie, at least you've made some serious cash! Verdict: Riches!
6. CMI: CMI is still the ticket symbol for Cummins Inc. You may have invested in this company because Cummins, Inc. engages in the design, manufacture, distribution, and servicing of diesel and natural gas engines, electric power generation systems, and engine-related component products worldwide. But you most likley bought it because it is called Cummins. Either way, this stock has gone up an impressive $100 a share in the past five years. Verdict: Riches!
7. DIS: When you dis someone you are insulting them. But when you own DIS, you own a little family friendly company called Disney. If that strange dichotomy isn't enough to have you calling your broker, Disney now owns Marvel Comics. That's not really funny - but it is ultra cool to be able to say you own Spider-Man, Captain America, the X-men, the Fantastic Four, and all the other comic book superheroes we all know and love. Think about it - when you go see Iron Man, Thor, or The Avengers you'll be paying yourself! Verdict: Riches!
8. SKS: Saks Incorporated and its subsidiaries operated department stores in the United States. Note the past tense. While it still operates stores under the brand names of Saks Fifth Avenue, Off Fifth, and Club Libby Lu, Saks merged with Hudson's Bay at the end of 2013. As a result, owners of SKS got $16 a share and the company is no longer listed. Financially, investors seemed to like this as 99.4% of stockholders approved the merger. While you may have made money, this comletely ruined your ability to own the "NUT-Saks" portfolio. As a result, you'll have to go to this guy to get your nut sack fix. Verdict: Mixed
9. GLDC: If you can't own a company that has a funny name, buy one that makes funny stuff. Golden Enterprises Inc. manufactures assorted salty snack items. It's products include nuts and fried pork skins. The stock price when me made the recomendation hovered around $3.00, so a share only cost you about as much as a bag of salty nuts. Nowadays, this stock is above $4.00 a share, so you can buy more salty nuts with your investment if you cash out. Verdict: Riches!
10. SEXI.PK: We had no idea what "SYSTEMS OF EXCELLENCE" did when me made the pick, but were lured in by the sex appeal of the stock (see what I did there?). Well, apparently, this company's systems were not so excellent, as it no longer seems to exist. At this point, the only place you may find SEXI.PK is in the above pictured "Museum of Sex" (which is a real place in New York) Verdict: Bankrupt!
Final anlysis: We gave you all the tools you needed to survive in the dangerous economic environment and get rich quick in the process. If you followed our advice, you not only got rich, but you made countless nuts jokes. At Bofa D's, we practiced what we preached. By investing in these stocks, we were able to earn enough money to expand our empire. See the 100% true headline below, which documents our expansion into the financial sector. Hopefully, now you will finally take us seriously.
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