Ten Stocks That Belong In Any Portfolio
Bofa D's has made you laugh (See for example, the Guide to Strange College Mascots), and Bofa D's has made you cry (See for example, Ten Signs it is Time to Break Up With Your Girlfriend). But Bofa D's has never made you rich ... UNTIL NOW. Seeing the need for sound investment advice in this time of economic turmoil, we've used the revolutionary techniques used to draft the ultimate Destinations Guide to to create the Ultimate Investment Guide. Using the same process used to create the Top Fantasy Baseball Players' Names, we have carefully selected ten stocks you must buy NOW. These stocks are not guaranteed to make you money. In fact, you may very well lose all your investment. But they have funny names, and that is half the battle. If you want to be a big time investor and do whatever big time investors do, buy these Ten Stocks That Belong In Any Portfolio:
1. NUT: NUT is the ticker symbol for ML Macadamia Orchards LP, which engages in growing and farming macadamia nuts in Hawaii. The payoff comes immediately, when you call your broker and ask "I'm looking to buy some shares of ML Macadamia Orchards LP, do you know the ticker symbol for that fine company?" When he answers, you get to yell Deez Nuts!
2. DEZ: I have no idea how a stock named SPML ACCL RTN NT STO chose the ticker symbol "Dez." But if you own it and ML Macadamia Orchards LP, you have a mighty fine Deez Nuts Joke.
3. BLL: BLL is the ticker symbol for the Ball Corporation, which provides metal and plastic packaging to the beverage, food, and household products industries. If you buy at least two shares, you will be given a free pass to talk about your balls in any conversation. "My Balls are doing really well right now ... Yo, I'm just talking about the stock I own in the Ball Corporation!"
4. BUTT.Z: This is almost too good to be true. There is actually a stock you can buy with the ticker symbol of BUTT.Z! Thus far, I have been unable to determine what DJSEER TM UTI does, or even how to pronounce its name. But, it costs around $950 a share, so it must be good. While expensive, owning even one share of this stock will help your love life. When a member of the opposite sex is at your house, you ask if they want to see your BUTT.Z. If they say yes, you show them your rear end and let the good times roll! If they are offended, your investment will pay dividends - "I'm just talking about the stock I own in DJSEER TM UTI." Not only have you undone any potential damage, but you've shown your friend how rich you truly are.
5. STR-OKE-MON Index: Stock analysts will tell you that the way to minimize risk is to diversify. Making your very own index fund is a great way to do this. Buying shares in Questar CP (STR), ONEOK Inc. (OKE) and Monsanto (MON) will give you the STR-OKE-MON index, based on one of the world's most beloved characters (pictured below). While STR-OKE-MON's movement up and down may get your heart racing, it is predicted to make a big splash in the next fiscal year. When STR-OKE-MON does well, you do well.
6. CMI: CMI is the ticket symbol for Cummins Inc. You could invest in this company because Cummins, Inc. engages in the design, manufacture, distribution, and servicing of diesel and natural gas engines, electric power generation systems, and engine-related component products worldwide. But you'll probably buy it because it is called Cummins.
7. DIS: When you dis someone you are insulting them. But when you own DIS, you own a little family friendly company called Disney. If that strange dichotomy isn't enough to have you calling your broker, Disney now owns Marvel Comics. That's not really funny - but it is ultra cool to be able to say you own Spider-Man, Captain America, the X-men, the Fantastic Four, and all the other comic book superheroes we all know and love. Think about it - when you go see Iron Man, Thor, or The Avengers you'll be paying yourself!
8. SKS: Saks Incorporated and its subsidiaries operate department stores in the United States. It operates stores under the brand names of Saks Fifth Avenue, Off Fifth, and Club Libby Lu. While owning something called "Club Libby Lu" is always a plus, the real opportunity here is presented when you combine your Saks holdings with the Macadamia stock listed above to form the "NUT-Saks" portfolio. CLICK HERE TO SEE THE NUT-SACKS PIONEER
9. GLDC: If you can't own a company that has a funny name, buy one that makes funny stuff. Golden Enterprises Inc. manufactures assorted salty snack items. It's products include nuts and fried pork skins. At around $3.00, a share will only cost you about as much as a bag of salty nuts.
10. SEXI.PK: I have no idea what "SYSTEMS OF EXCELLENCE" does, but you can buy it on the 'pink sheets' - whatever that is. All I know is this: when those stock analsysts talk about a 'sexy stock pick' they can only be referring to this one. And we all like excellence, right?
Congratulations! You now have all the tools you need to survive in the current economic environment and get rich quick in the process. And when you hit the big time, you'll finally have the time to go on that vacation to Big Bone Lick State Park that you've been meaning to take...
At Bofa D's, we practice what we preach. By investing in these stocks, we were able to earn enough money to expand our empire. See the 100% true headline below, which documents our expansion into the financial sector.
CLICK HERE for a 2014 update on how these stocks are performing!
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