HOW PEOPLE FIND BOFA D's
Word is slowly spreading that Bofa D's is the greatest website ever. A lot of people even read our site on purpose. But a precious few happen upon us by the twist of fate. More specifically, they reach us through random google/yahoo/MSN searches. Here are the greatest searches people have used to stumble upon the Greatest Website Ever:
1. "Booker Antonella Barba Pictures": I feel bad for this poor soul. He (we can assume someone looking for naked pictures of an American Idol contestant is a male) is trying for porn, and he ends up with ... our Urkel versus Screech: Battle of the Nerds. Man, talk about your all time backfires.
2. "Pugs": About one million people have searched for pug pictures and ended up on our site. The sad part was, we didn't even have any pictures on our site. We felt bad, and now we have pug pictures on our front page and Kritter Korner.
3. "A Man's Crotch": This is hands down our favorite search. Who the hell searches for a guy's crotch on the internet? The image of someone so desparate to find a guy's crotch that they would come to our site is priceless. I mean, here is someone surfing the web, clicking on any link he can find in a desparate search for a guy's crotch. How badly must he have needed porn that he didn't even take one second to look at what the page was about? Imagine the dissapointment for our groin seeking porn addict when the resulting page was Adopt a Cat, a video about a cat attacking a man in the go-nards. Hilarious to be sure, but not spank worthy!
4. "Hondacur": This is kind of ironic. We post BoFriends to help people go to our friend's websites. But in this case, someone did a search for the Hondacur website and Bofa D's popped up instead. Sorry! (As a side note, Bofa D was lucky enough to be present at the grand opening of Hondacur. This place rocks. They literally have a playstation 2 in their lobby that you can play while you wait for your car to be serviced. Genius!)
5. "Worthless videos": First, why would you bother searching for something that is worthless? Second, I guess we should be insulted that the search for worthless videos lead to us.
6. "Great Sayings By Sports Legends": This guy was probably expecting Yogi Berra, Red Auerbach, or John Wooden quotes. The kind of quotes that stand the test of time and make you look sophisticated while you watch a ballgame with your buds. Or maybe this reader was searching for an inspiring quote to motivate his team for the championship game. Instead, he got our version of greatness: Sports Sayings, which includes immortal phrases such as "the backdoor play".
7. "Nude American Idol": This reveals a lot about society. The biggest use of the internet is porn. And the number one show in America is American Idol. You add those two together, and you have a lot of people asking for American Idol Nudity. So many people, that apparently the overflow is sent to Bofa D's, which sadly, has neither American Idol or pornography. The internet hasn't been this much abuzz since the Britney Spears crotch shot picture surfaced. And the internet hadn't been that much abuzz since the Paris Hilton sex tapes came out. And no we don't have either of them on this site either.
8. "Videos of People Singing": The selling point of our Video Page is that you don't have to wade through videos of people singing in the shower to find something funny. In an ironic twist, this poor soul stumbled upon our site LOOKING FOR videos of people singing.
9. "Maury Show [Fat Kids]": Not sure why someone would search for this, when the obvious Maury search is for [Paternity Testing], but even we can see a difference between Maury Povich and Maury Ballstein.
10. "Where did Lisa Turtle go to college": Strange search, but our Great Debate featuring Urkel and Screech actually isn't a bad page to land on.
11. "Where does Antonella Barba go to college?": Even stranger search. I'm concerned that this person should be looking up a different site: stalkers anonymous. Naked pictures are understandable, but who cares where the gal goes to school?
12. "Naked Dudes": Hey, if you want to look at pictures of naked men, that's fine with me. But I think you'd be more effective looking for 'naked men.' I admit, I am a bit disturbed by the fact that 90% of the searches are looking for porn. So, I'll say this one more time: There is no nudity on Bofa D's. Unless you count the monkey on the Mascot Page
13. "Wilfredo J. Pujols picture": If you are looking for Wilfredo Pujols, I suppose our Sports Page is a good place to look, since he is an honorable mention on our list of top funny fantasy baseball player names. But this begs the question: Why is anyone looking for a picture of Wilfredo J. Pujols?
14. "groin attack video": Our Video Page does have an abundance of funny videos of people getting hit in the nards. But something about this search disturbs me.
15. "Captain D's Restaraunt": This one brings up an ethical question. I admit that I fooloshly misspelled the word 'Restaurant'. However, at least five people have found our Tribute to Captain D's page with the exact same misspelling. And frankly, until now, no one has caught this error. This isn't suprising, since BoFans are not known for their reading abilities. So, do I do the right thing and change the spelling, or do I callously do nothing with the knowledge that poor spellerz everywhere will find our site?
16. "Brilliant but cancelled cartoons Sonic the Hedgehog": Bofa D's is proud to be associated with the word 'brilliant.' Bofa D's is less proud to be associated with the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon. Transformers? Brilliant. Smurfs? Brilliant. Sonic the Hedgehog? Cancelled.
17. "Dog Penis": I don't know what the bigger mystery is - Why someone would look for a dog penis on the web, or how they ended up on our Guide to Funny College Mascots.
18. "Hit Porn Videos": Finally, a search I understand!
19. "Strange Masturbation": When I think of the word masturbation, many words come to mind. Necessary. Funny. Necessary. But not strange.
20. "Punky Brewster Sex Tape": If this search is referring to a sex tape starring the actress who played Punky Brewster as an adult, that isn't so bad. But if they were searching for an actual punky brewster sex tape ... ewwwwwww.
21. "Punky Brewster Masturbation": This is getting out of control. Is there something about Punky Brewster that I don't know about? Why are all these people searching the internet for her having sex and masturbating? Who is next? Blossom?
22. NEW "Sophisticated Jokes For Educators": This poor teacher was looking for some jokes to tell his or her class. Or perhaps they were winning some sort of 'educator of the year' award and needed some witty jokes to tell at the banquet. Either way, instead of jokes that would inspire young minds and impress coworkers, this person got ... Deez Nuts Jokes!
Bofa D's Ode to Maury Ballstein
Bofa D's Great Names Throughout History
Did we miss something? Send comments, suggestions, criticisms, or better content to Bofa D's.