Bofa D's Vacation Guide
Real Places To See Before You Die
 

Bofa D's has slaved for hours to bring you a list of great places to visit. We aren't exactly hotels.com, so we can't promise that we've been to these places or suggest nice accommodations.  But each of these places gets the Bofa D's stamp of approval.  And really, what else can you ask for?  So start planning your trips now, so you can tell your friends that you've been to each one of Bofa D's Real Places To See Before You Die.  For your reading pleasure, we have gone the extra step and broken this page down by region. These places are all real. To be honest, we aren't smart enough to make them up.

MIDWEST
1. Big Bone Lick State Park, on 3380 BEAVER Road in Kentucky.

2. French Lick, Indiana

3. Indianapolis: The only cool thing about this city is the "Edna Balz Lacy Family Park." The park's website says says this park is "one of the jewels in the parks system."  Balz + Family park + jewels = family jewels. That makes it worth a visit.

4. Merrill, Wisconsin: Why the heck would you want to go to Merrill, Wisconsin? Three words: Chism Trail Ranch. The website proudly proclaims: "We here at the ranch are hoping you are having a fun filled summer loaded with lots of riding opportunities. If not, we have just the facility to help you with all your riding pleasures!" How on earth can you resist that? Still not convinced? Chism Trail Ranch also features "CHISM TRAIL RANCH OPEN PLEASURE SHOWS."

5. Centerville, Ohio. The primary attraction is the Monkey House. But while you are there, why not drive along Nutt Road?

monkey house

6. Sac City, Iowa: The Sac City website, used to note that "early industry was the Sac City Creamery." For some reason, they have dropped that crucial fact from their website.  Why would a city named Sac want to drop its cream?

7. Ellworth, Kansas: If you really love this website, you'll want to take a ride on Dees Avenue. Note: According to Google Maps, there are 10 Dees Streets in America. Each one makes the world a better place.

8. Hamilton, Ohio:  This city pretty much sucks.  It's claim to fame is that it used to go by "Hamilton!" so it was the only city with an exclamation point in its name.  It looks like they've dropped that in favor of this marketing pitch: The City of Hamilton is centrally located between the Cincinnati and Dayton metropolitan areas.  When your best argument for going there is that you are close to somewhere else, you are in big trouble.  They'd be better off centering their marketing efforts around this landmark - Dick Avenue:

dick ave

9. Columbus, Ohio: Here's the plan for your trip to Hamilton - Take your girlfriend to Columbus on the drive back.  Drive to this street.  If necessary, draw her attention to the sign.  You are welcome.

godownstreet

10. Wacker Drive: Chicago is known for wind, pizza, the Cubs, and above all else, having a street named after people who masturbate.

wacker

WEST 

1. Butte, Montana where the community has started the forum Butte Rats

2. Las Vegas: Gambling and strippers are fine, but they can get kind of old.  On the other hand, Nutt Creek Avenue is always funny!  Of course, if you don't have a car, you can always take The Deuce, which refers to a bus line, not a bodily function.  

deuce bus

Where will you take a Deuce?  Well, Las Vegas (showing a bizarre fixation with deuces) has an answer for you - take it to ... The Deuce Lounge!  Located in the new-ish Aria Resort and Casino, "The Deuce offers an unmistakable and distinctive Las Vegas experience."  I'll say!  Dropping a deuce is the definitive Las Vegas experience:

Deuce Lounge

3. Seattle: Yeah, the first Starbucks is there. But who really cares?  There's a Starbucks on every corner nowadays. Yeah, Seattle does have nice scenery. But how can you enjoy it when it rains all the time? Space Needle? Sure, the Space Needle is a monument to man's need to build phallic structures, which is cool.  But the real reason you need to visit Seattle is Mr. D's, a nice little eatery in Pike's Market:

Mr Ds

4. Northwestern Washington is also home to the greatest road ever created - Chuckanut Drive.

chuckanut druve

EAST

1. Butts Corner which is near Beaver Spring Pond in New York.

2. Ballston, a lovely neighborhood in Arlington, Virginia. In fact, you can ride Metro from Ballston to Woodley Park.  Coincidence? I think not.

3. Salem, Massachusetts:  Salem is the home to the coolest liquor store of all time, Bunghole Liquors.  If you can't get to Salem (perhaps you are a witch and you'd rather not take the risk), there's another branch of Bunghole Liquors in Peabody, Massachusetts.

4. Kissimee, Florida: Not only is Kissimee pretty close to Orlando, but it also is the home of the Gaylord Palms Resort.


4. Beaver Stadium is the Penn State University football stadium. Penn State's mascot isn't even a beaver, which makes this even funnier. For all of you history buffs, it is called Beaver Stadium after former Governor James A. Beaver (not because a high percentage of female students attend football games).

5. Washington D.C. is home to the always inspirational Washington Monument:



6. Titusville, New Jersey:  Immature readers will assume that we are sending you to Titusville because it's name has 'tit' in it.  But seasoned readers of this website will know that we are much to mature for that.  We do not need to stoop to making boob jokes when Titusville is home to It's Nutts Restaurant, which according to their website, has been open since 2005.  Perhaps it is no coincidence that our website began right around that same time.  Note: Special thanks to frequent contributor Ken Manley for finding this amazing culinary attraction.  

itsnuttsitsnuttsmenu

7. New York is known as the beacon of American culture. Broadway shows, high fashion, and museums. But lots of cities have all of that.  What really sets New York apart is The Museum of Sex:

museum of sex

OVERSEAS
1. Lake Titicaca the world's highest commerical navigable lake in South America

2. Paris, France where you can stay at the Hotel Balzac on 6 rue Balzac

3. Balsac, France: Why settle for just a hotel when you can have so much more Balzac?

4. Little Dix Bay: Experience luxurious island charm at the Rosewood Little Dix Bay.  Hopefully, you don't experience shrinkage.

5. Bangkok: Need I say more?

6. Tamba Bofa, Guinea: How can you not want to visit a city dedicated to our website?  Note: Some people call this place Tambanbofa - but that's not as cool.  Don't be one of those losers!

7. Morón, Argentina: Here's a classic oxymoron (or is it oxy-Morón?) -  The University of Moron (Universidad de Morón) is located in the city.

8. Chisinau, Moldova: I'm sure it isn't pronounced this way, but it kinda looks likes Chisin' now. And that kinda looks like something else which makes me laugh. That's pretty much all I know about this fine city.

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