Deez Nuts Jokes 8: 

NASCAR Edition

People who love NASCAR love two things: Fast cars and scrotums.  Since NASCAR began, people have been unable to bring the these two loves together ... until now!  Thanks to the wonders of technology, we are able to bring you an entire page of NASCAR deez nuts jokes.

As always, each joke is carefully scored according to how original it is and how effective it is when you use it.  Finally, as a service to our readers, we give you the best time to spring the joke.  That takes all the thinking out of it, leaving you free to concentrate on your groin emphasis move (the move you do to draw attention to 'deez nuts' when you spring the punchline on your unsuspecting friend).  

Oh, and if you like Deez Nuts jokes, make sure to visit the earlier editions, pages 1, 2, 34, 5, 6, 7 (the one nut edition), 9 and exclusive video of animals telling deez nuts jokes.  If you don't like deez nuts, I'm guessing you are pretty ticked off that you came to this page.  The best way to get revenge is to send this link to everyone you know.  The second best revenge is to check out some epic iPhone Autocorrect Fails.

The Joke Originality Factor Effectiveness Quotient Best Time To Use
You: What is the NASCAR race in Martinsville, VA called?
Them:  The Goody's Fast Relief 500.
You: Good, deez nuts need fast relief!

The first joke about Martinsville Motor Speedway.   Score: 9 Unlike many deez nuts jokes, this one makes perfect sense. Score: 10  When you are not in Las Vegas.  You don't want a random prostutute to hear that your nuts need fast relief and take that as a request for service.
You: What can I use to penetrate stuck lug nuts?
You want to penetrate my nuts?
You: No, lug nuts!
Them: You want to lug my nuts?
You: Forget it.
This was going to be original, but you blew the joke.  Score: To be determined
So you thought you were smart pulling the "penetrate stuck lug nuts" from WD-40's website.  For once, your attraction to nuts let you down - your friend turned your nuts joke against you.  Score: 0
There is no ideal time to screw up a deez nuts joke.

-TAKE 2-
You: What can a pit crew use to lubricate something?
Them: WD-40
You: For deeeeeez nuts!
Nice work finally pulling the joke off, but people probably have joked about using WD-40 to masturbate due to its lubricating ability.   Plus, there's already a 40s deez nuts joke. Score: 2 If you pull it off, you basically have implied that they can use lubrication on your nuts.  That's pretty useful.   Score: 7 This one is probably best reserved for your female friend who likes NASCAR ... just in case she decides you are asking her to lubricate your nuts.
You: Who drove the legendary No. 43 car in NASCAR?
Them:  Richard Petty
You: Pet deeeeez nuts!
Never before has a joke been told about "The King" of NASCAR.  Score: 9 Assuming they know who Richard Petty is, they just fell into one of the great deez nuts traps.   Score: 10 In clinical trials, .00013% of people who got hit with this joke ended up petting the jokester's nuts.  Proceed with caution.
You: Isn't there some former NBA player who does NASCAR analysis?
Them: Yeah, Brad Daugherty.
You: Daugher deeeeeez nuts!
Brad Daugherty played for the Cleveland Cavaliers, so he probably is the basis for plenty of jokes.  Score: 4 Not sure what it means to 'daugher' some nuts.  Points deducted for nonsense, but added for leaving it to your friend's imagination.  Score: 6 This is the one NASCAR joke you can use while watching the NBA.
You: Who does Joey Logano race for?
Them: Penske
You: Pen ski deeeez nuts!
There are better ways to spring a 'ski deez nuts joke' - In the NASCAR world alone, you could use it with Brian Keslowski.  Score: 4 Does this mean you are claiming someone can ski on your nuts?  Or does the 'pen' part mean you want them to write down the punchline?  Too confusing.   Score: 3 The only time you should bust this out is while watching Joey Logano race.  Otherwise, it is very doubtful anyone will know who he races for.
You: Who sponsors Danica Patrick?
Them: Go Daddy.
You: Go dad deeeeez nuts!
Odds are pretty good that someone has made a joke about Danica and their nuts.  That person is an immature sexist pig, unlike us.  Score: 5 When you mention her name, your friend's first thought will either be "Danica is hot" or "Those Go Daddy Superbowl ads suck."  They'll never know what hit them!  Score: 8 On father's day.
You: After we get done watching NASCAR, want to go to Wendy's?
Them: I'd love to get a Frosty!
You: Frost deez nuts!!!!
Unfortunately, this is the second Wendy's deez nuts joke, and it's already been stolen!  Score3 This will only work if they happen to want a Frosty.  If they say "hamburger" instead, you are toast ... and stuck gong to Wendy's.  Score: 4 When you are watching a NASCAR race with a friend. Telling jokes to yourself gets old.

CLICK HERE to view THE ADVENTURES OF DEEZ AND BIG COUNTRY - taking deez nuts jokes to the next level ... animation!  Here's a sample of the goodness you will find:


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