Deez Nuts Jokes 6

Since the invention of time, deez nuts jokes have enthralled humans with the brilliance that comes with joking about testicles.  Even though deez nuts jokes have been around for literally millions of years, we are still learning about more jokes every day.  Thanks to our readers, we have even more deez nuts jokes.  As always, each joke is scored according to how original it is and how effective it is when you use it.  Finally, as a service to our readers, we give you the best time to spring the joke.  Tha takes all the thinking out of it, leaving you free to concentrate on your groin emphasis move (the move you do to draw attention to 'deez nuts' when you spring the punchline on your unsuspecting friend).  

Oh, and if you like Deez Nuts jokes, make sure to visit the earlier editions, pages 1, 2, 34, 5 and 7.  If you don't like deez nuts, I'm guessing you are pretty ticked off that you came to this page by now.

      
The Joke Originality Factor Effectiveness Quotient Best Time To Use
Girlscout: Want to buy some girl scout cookies?
You: Maybe, what are those vanilla cookies coated in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut and laced with chocolate stripes called?  
Girlscout: Samoas.
You: Same-o as deeez nuuts!
Girlscout: That's inapproprate, I'm eight years old!
You: Uh, I'll buy 100 boxes if you promise not to tell on me.
This is the first time someone has suggested busting out a deez nuts joke on a girl scout.   Score: 9 You are 100% sure to surprise the girl scout, but that is because she's a litle girl and hasn't been exposed to deez nuts yet ... wait, that came out wrong ... uh, so did that ... where was I?  Oh yeah, you probably shouldn't make nut jokes around minors.  Also, you are saying the cookies are the same-o as your nus.  That's a gross cookie. Score: 8 for pure surprise, 1 if you factor in your likely arrest. You really shouldn't use this, but if you insist, do it at work when someone's mom is trying to sell you cookies for her daughter.


Source: J. Boes
You: Did you hear that dude from REM's plane crashed into some mountains in South America?
Them: Really?  The Andes?
You: And deeeez nuts survived!!!!
Them: Did his plane really crash there?  I've been wondering what he's been up to.
You: No, his plane didn't crash there.
Andes mountains.  Genius.   Score: 10 Everyone wonders what happened to Micheal Stipe (the REM guy) so this will get them interested.  Bonus points for having the punchline make sense in the context of the joke.  Score: 10 Bust this out when you and a buddy are flying somewhere.  They'll start out scared about their plane crashing and end up laughing ... and scared about their plane crashing.

Source: Niq Q.
You: Who is that author who wrote the Satanic Verses and got a fatwa against him by Ayatollah Khomeini?
Them: Salman Rushdie
You: Rush deez nuts to return that book to the library!
Salmon Rushdie is not normally the source of comedy.  Score7 Unless you hang out with a smart group of friends, they probably won't know who Rushdie is. Score: 5 Book club.

Source: Niq Q.
You: I saw someone dressed up as that girl from Pokemon at Comic-con
Them: You mean Misty?
You: Miss deez nuts?  Because they're back!
Pokemon is ripe for comedy. See e.g. Strokemon  Score: 6 If your friend knows who the girl from pokemon is, you might want to consider trading up.  You also have the risk that even if he does know about Pokemon, he will deny it. That said, it we actually have a picture of someone who did dress as Misty at Comic-con! (see below).   Score: 7 When talking about how awsome San Diego Comic-Con is.

Source: Niq Q.
You: I'm feeling pretty down right now due to all the uncertainties...
Them: What uncertainties?
You: Insertin' deez nuts in yo mouth!
Uncertain to Insertin' - never been done before as far as we know.  Score: 7 With the stock market fluctuations putting everyone's retirement at risk, it is reasonable for you to be uncertain.  A true friend will feel concern, which leaves them open to the shock of the deez nuts joke.  Then again, if your friend is a guy, you just said that you wanted to ... well, it could get awkward.  Score: 6 Consider saving this joke for a member of the opposite sex.

Source: Niq Q.
You: Did you know that Houston Nutt has a brother named Dickey Nutt who used to coach Arkansas State University?
Them: Wasn't he fired the same year Houston Nutt left Arkansas?
You: That meant Arkansas was Nutt-less!
This isn't really a deez nuts joke, but it does involve those Nutts.  Score: NA This is actually a response to our Great Names Throughout History page, but since the guys names are Nutt, it gets a spot on this page.   Score: 10 because it is true. When arguing whether there should be a college football playoff.

Source: K. Pitts
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