Deez Nuts Jokes III


So you've read Deez Nuts Jokes I and Deez Nuts Jokes II and you're saying to yourself, "Man, I love these deez nuts jokes, but now that I've used them, I have a reputation of being a comedy genius. How can I live up people's expectations without some new material?" Well my friend, help is on the way. Help in the form of ... Deez Nuts Jokes III!

Supermarket Sweep

You: Do you want to get a drink from Aldi's?

Friend: Well, Aldi's, which is short for ALbrecht DIscount, is a discount supermarket chain based in Germany. I like discounts, and I am thirsty, so ok.

You: You can get a drink from All Deez Nuts!

Best time to use: When you are A) thirsty and B) in a city that has an ALDIs.

Originality Factor 8: in America, but since Aldi's is a German company, it may be a common joke there ... if Germans tell deez nuts jokes.

Effectiveness Quotient 9: If the reaction you are looking for is "ewwww", you are sure to get that when you tell someone they can get a drink from your nads.

G'day Mate!

You: Who is the Crocodile Hunter's daughter?

Friend: Why are you asking me that? Isn't he dead?

You: Bindi. Bin-deez nuts! Get it?

Friend: What's wrong with you?

Best time to use: There really isn't a natural time to bring up the young daughter of a guy who wrestled crocs.

Originality Factor 10: To date, we have come across no evidence of any jokes about Bindi. But that might be a good thing.

Effectiveness Quotient 2: It is a lot of fun to yell Bin-deez nuts, but this joke doesn't really make any sense.

IQ Test

You: Trivia Question - Chicago is known as the __________ city?

Friend: Windy.

You: Correct. You Win Deez Nuts!

Friend: What?

You: Windy. (grabbing your groin) Win-Deez. Get it? Friend: You are the funniest person I have ever met. I happen to be a television producer. How about I sign you to a contract to star in a sitcom?

Best time to use: When you are at a party and you are stuck talking to a guy who thinks he's smart.

Originality Factor 8: Chicago is known for pizza, the Cubs, and being freakin' cold. But it is not known for deez nuts jokes about it ... yet.

Effectiveness Quotient 2: Moving the conversation to a point where you can ask a trivia question is difficult. On the other hand, if you land a role in a TV show, it will be worth it.

Question for the Ages

You: What decade was Pearl Harbor bombed?

Friend: I dunno. Some time in the 1940s.

You: For Deez Nuts!

Best time to use: If you are ever stuck watching the longest most painful movie ever made, Pearl Harbor.

Originality Factor 10: No one really jokes about Pearl Harbor. And we're not really saying you should.

Effectiveness Quotient 3: If you are watching Pearl Harbor, this will surely be more entertaining than the movie. If you are at a WWII memorial, it will surely get you in trouble.

Political Question

You: What decade was George H.W. Bush elected President?

Friend: The 80s

You: Yes, Bush Ate-Deez Nuts!

Best time to use: At the Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Tour.

Originality Factor 1: See the 1940's joke above. But the reference to Bush adds juice to the joke.

Effectiveness Quotient 7: The Deez Nuts joke is the perfect format to launch an acerbic and yet insightful political commentary.



As you can see, Bofa D's is known for is Deez Nuts Jokes. Although Bofa D's has been viewed around the world, it is still a few hits shy of fulfilling its promise as a true global phenomenon. So imagine our surprise when Maura Dees, the subject of a joke contained in Deez Nuts Jokes II, actually saw our site and emailed us. We were thrilled when we saw her message, mostly because it was the first message we have recieved in months that wasn't spam. It turns out that Maura Dees is without a doubt the coolest person in America. And that is why she is profiled here with her very own

Bofa D's True Hollywood Story: Maura Dees

Maura Dees' tale is the classic American story, a "Behind the Music" without the music. It all began hundreds of years ago with the invention of the Deez Nuts joke, which turned an otherwise normal name into a punchline featured on Bofa D's. This can be considered the 'flying high' stage of Behind the Music. However, it turns out that Maura had heard this deez nuts joke before ... many times. As you can imagine, constant repeatings stripped the joke of all its joy for young Maura. This is the 'rock bottom' part, for a world without the joy of deez nuts is a sad world indeed. However, being Maura Deez Nuts was not all bad - it came in handy during sorority rush. After all, how can you refuse when a sorority gal says "I want Maura Dees"? This is the 'comeback' where the artist rebounds from misery and records a new Only in this case, Maura did not record an album, she regained her appreciation of deeeeeez nuuuuuuuuts.

But how did she bounce back from a fate that would crush most people? Two words: Family. It turns out that Maura comes from a long line of living deez nuts jokes. Her father is named Phillip Dees and her brother is Phillip Dees, Jr. So, they call him Phil. Phil Dees learned to embrace his legacy, sporting a Deez Nutz hat. And when it came time to name his first born child, he almost chose Oliver. Possibly because the temptation would be to great to abuse the "All over deez nuts" joke, he chose Reed instead.

Yes, Bofans, Maura Dees, Phillip Dees, Phil Dees, and Reed Dees are all in the same family.


When someone calls the house and asks for Phil, this presents a unique opportunity to yell "You want to Feel Deez Nuts!" When a friend of the family asks to see a picture of baby Reed, Phil gets to whip out the picture and say "Read deez nuts!"