Deez Nuts Jokes 10: 

Entertainment Edition

Sex, videogames, and chocolate are nice, but nothing is as entertaining as a good deez nuts joke.  This edition of 'entertainment' themed deez nuts jokes is so good that it is quite possible that people will give up those activities altogether.  If the world's birth rate suddenly drops, you will know that it was because everyone was too busy reading these jokes to reproduce.  Sorry world!

As always, each joke is carefully scored according to how original it is and how effective it is when you use it.  Finally, as a service to our readers, we give you the best time to spring the joke.  That takes all the thinking out of it, leaving you free to concentrate on your groin emphasis move (the move you do to draw attention to 'deez nuts' when you spring the punchline on your unsuspecting friend).  

Oh, and if you like Deez Nuts jokes, make sure to visit the earlier editions, pages 1, 2, 34, 5, 6, 7 (the one nut edition), 8 (NASCAR edition), 9, and exclusive video of animals telling deez nuts jokes.  If you don't like deez nuts, read the nine previous pages of jokes.  If you still don't like deez nuts after that, click on an ad - don't ask why, just do it!

The Joke Originality Factor Effectiveness Quotient Best Time To Use
You: What Marvel movie stars a Raccoon that shoots guns?
Them:  Guardians of the Galaxy.
You: Galax see deez nuts!

The first joke about Guardians of the Galaxy (as of this writing, it isn't even out yet).  However, this is really a derivation of the CDs joke, resulting in a 3 point deduction. Score: 6 The effectivness of this joke largely depends on whether you decide to actually pull out your sac when you encourage them to see your nuts. That's a risky move.  Score: 4-10 (really depends on the groin emphasis move) The nice thing about the Marvel Cinematic Universe is, they are always coming out with interconnected movies.  Therefore, this joke can easily be worked into a conversation about any of these movies.
You: I would like to tweet about the (sort of) hit show, The Vampire Diaries.  What is the proper hashtag for that show?
You: TV deez nuts!

Vampires are kind of played out.  Thankfully, the proliferation of vampire movies and shows has not resulted in a similar surge in vampire nuts jokes.  Score: 7
Let's be honest.  This joke depends on you having a friend who not only likes The Vampire Diaries, but who also admits that they like The Vampire Diaries, and knows the hashtag to tweet about it.  While this screenshot shows those people exist, it is likely they don't have any friends because they spend all their time tweeting about the show.  Score: 2

If you want to maintain any shred of dignity, you are better off not letting anyone know you watch The Vampire Diaries.vampire diaries tweets
You: What is the  name of the detective brothers?
Them: Hardy Boys
You: Hard deez nuts!
Two classic sleuths, one classic deez nuts joke. Score: 10 Sadly, today's youth don't read books anymore (sorry, porn doesn't count). They may not know who the Hardy Boys are.  Plus, there is a risk of confusion that you are hard because of boys ... not that there is anything wrong with that.  Score: 3 Throw this out at your book club meeting, when the know-it-all in the group starts talking about the symbolism of some literary reference to cover up the fact that you didn't read the book ... again.

You: Who is the best quarterback the New England Patriots have ever had?
Them: Tom Brady
You: Braid deez nuts!
To date, no one has dared joke about Tom Brady.  Originality favors the bold! Score: 10 There is a risk that someone will think you are asking them to braid your nuts like one would braid hair.  #painful!   Score: 4 If you hit them with this during a football game, they may know that the answer is Tom Brady.  If you ask during a rerun of the Brady Bunch, the joke is guaranteed to work!
You: What is the NBA's minor league called?
Them:  The D-league
You:  The deez nuts league!

Source: Ken Manley
The D-league is a joke ... but not a deez nuts joke. Score: 8

The D-League logo seems to evoke a player motioning towards his groin with one arm in the classic deez nuts joke pose.  This joke also evokes a sense of community.  Not just deez nuts ... a whole deez nuts league.  Score: 10
Next time your friend tells you that the college game is better than the NBA, spring this joke on him.  Then visit our Guide to Strange College Mascots.
You: What is Puff Daddy going by these days?
Them: Diddy
You: Did deez nuts!
Has anyone ever made fun of Diddy before?  I sincerely doubt it!  Score: 9

On the one hand, this joke implies that Puff Daddy did your nuts, which can be terribly funny.  On the other hand, he is probably a member of the Illuminati, so you could end up dead.  Score: 6 Any time hardcore gangsta rap is playing. Because if there is one man that represents hardcore gangsta rap, it is Diddy.

You: What is your favorite game to play on your iPhone?
Them: Candy Crush
You: Can deez nuts ... uh .. crush?
We've made a candy joke already (in cartoon form no less).  Score: 1 We made a candy joke because they are awesome.  But I don't know if you want someone to can your nuts... or in this case, can your nuts and crush them.  #ouchyoucannedandcrushedmynuts.  Score: 1 Everyone is playing this game right now. Unfortunately that means no one is paying attention to you when you are telling them a joke.  Sorry dude, even the best joke can't get someone to rip their eyeballs away from Candy Crush!
candy crush
You: What is Oprah's last name?
Them: Winfrey
You: Win free deez nuts!
Oprah is pretty rich and she has used her wealth and power to avoid being the subject of deez nuts jokes.  Until now!  This is similar to our Windy City joke (animated in 2010) though so a deduction is required. Score8 Winning deez nuts is quite a prize. Winning free deez nuts is even better.  Score: 10 When your friend fails the bar exam, meaning he can no longer realize his dream of becoming a lawyer, ask him this question.  He'll feel smart that he at least knows the answer to that question ... until you hit him with the joke.


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