Bofa D’S College Rankings
By
now (our second week in existence) everybody knows that www.bofads.com is the best comedy website,
the best sports website, and the best technology website ever created. And, everyone knows we are here to help our
readers. So now you are thinking, what can
Bofa D’s possibly do to top cats with Santa costumes on? Well, we’re taking on another venerable
institution: college rankings.
For years, sucky schools have been complaining that they are not ranked
high enough in the Princeton Review and U.S. News and World Reports rankings (Side
note: If your school sucks, being ranked isn’t going to trick anyone into going
there. Side note 2: No offense if your
school sucks). Well, we’ve heard the
complaints, done the research, and have come to the conclusion that the methods
used so far are skewed. Students, why
would you base the most important decision in your life so far besides who to
take to Prom on stupid factors like size of a schools endowment (huh-huh)? Do you really care how many books there are
in the library? It’s not like you are
going to go there that much. Do you
really care about class size? Only if
you plan on going to class. Frankly, if
you aren’t, it is easier to hide the fact that you are skipping in a big class. There has to be a better way. And that way is the Bofa D’s way. So, in an effort to help our college bound
readers, we proudly present
11.
Denison University: According to
their website, Denison University, located in Licking county's Granville, Ohio, was founded in
1831 and is a privately supported, coeducational college of liberal arts and
sciences, offering three different bachelor's degrees (B.A., B.S., and B.F.A.)
among 43 courses of study. If that
wasn’t enough to convince you to go there they have an all woman residence hall
called Beaver Hall. If only Licking County had Ballstate University instead, imagine the possibilities.
10.
Rhode Island School of Design: RISD is more than just a school of
design. In addition to being a school
of design, they are home of the NADS.
That’s right, their mascot is the NADS!
Check it out: http://risd.dailyjolt.com/nads_hockey.html. Even though this hockey team appears to be
just a club team, it offers the once in a lifetime chance to say “Go Nads!” and
not get in trouble. If Nads are not enough, RISD’s basketball team is called:
The Balls! http://www.risd.edu/orientation_campus_life.cfm.
9. Texas
Christian University: TCU’s mascot is the Horned Frogs, which makes up for
the fact that they are in Texas.
8. University of Southern California:
Sure, you are thinking I put them on this list because their mascot is the
Trojans. Well, you have a dirty
mind. I put them on this list, because
their quarterback this year is named Booty.
Alums include Reggie Bush and Carson “Rosie” Palmer.
7. UC
Santa Cruz: First off, everybody likes Santa. Except perhaps non-Christians.
But even non-believers can rally behind the Banana Slugs. http://www.ucsc.edu/about/campus_mascot.asp. No, there is no real innuendo there, but
it’s just cool. Ho ho ho!
6. Northwestern:
Sometimes something can be so bad it’s good.
Don’t ask us for an example, or we’ll ask you to see Gigli. You’re probably better off trusting us on
this one. Northwestern has the worst
sports in the history of … sports. In
the 1980s their football team endured a 34 game losing streak. That’s so bad, that’s awesomely bad. After kinda being ok for a few years, they
reached back to their roots and lost to a Division 1AA team this year. Their
suckitude at football is rivaled only by their ineptness at basketball. NU’s basketball team has NEVER even gone to
the NCAA basketball tournament. And to
top it off, their mascot is incredibly lame.
How generic is a wildcat? Oh
wait, Northwestern’s is different because theirs looks like a bunny. Oh, and if you go, you’ll be sporting
purple. Very nice. Wait, you’re probably wondering how this
school made it on the list. Well, think
about it. If they suck that bad, they
must be good at something, or no one would go there.
4.
Vanderbilt University: Rumor has it this place is a pretty good
school. Not to downplay the importance
of education in education, but we just learned that this school was ranked #1
in hot girls. http://www.collegeprowler.com/guides_by_rankings.asp/10. Vandy?
This upset of the century lands Vandy in the #4 slot.
3. Austin
Community College: They offer a
video game development program. Wait, I
can go to college to … play video games?
Awesome! http://www.austincc.edu/techcert/Video_Games.html
2. Oregon
State: Never been there. Never met
someone who went there. Have no idea
whether they even teach anything. But
their mascot is the Beavers, and gosh darn it, that has to count for something.
1.University
of Hawaii: Yeah, it is located in Hawaii.
Big Freaking Deal. Sure, they
used to be called the Rainbow Warriors.
So what? Plenty of schools have
that mascot name. No, this school makes
number one on our list for one reason: It was ranked as the #1 best college for
Asians: http://www.asian-nation.org/best-colleges.shtml. That’s nothing to shake a stick at. Did Harvard
rank #1 for Asians? Nope. Those fools didn’t even make the list. What about Yale? Nope. Wayne State? Well, yeah, they made the list - but they
were only #17.
Honorable
Mention: Washington
University Law School: Wash. U. Law
School isn’t even an undergraduate school, but it almost makes this list on the
strength of location. No, St. Louis
isn’t that great. We’re talking about
the fact that it is located in “Anheuser-Busch Hall.” For real. Busch
Hall. Regardless of whether you think
that sounds funny, you have to agree that it is awesome that there is a law
school named after a beer company.