Bofa D’S College Rankings

 

School is in session and one question is on everyone's mind.  Since that question is already on everyone's mind, we thought we'd answer a question that isn't on anyone's mind ... yet.  That question is: How does Bofa D's rank colleges and universities?   For years, sucky schools have been complaining that they are not ranked high enough in the Princeton Review and U.S. News and World Reports rankings (Side note: If your school sucks, being ranked isn’t going to trick anyone into going there.  Side note 2: No offense if your school sucks).  Well, we’ve heard the complaints, done the research, and have come to the conclusion that the methods used so far are skewed.  Students, why would you base the most important decision in your life so far, besides who to take to Prom, on stupid factors like size of a schools endowment (huh-huh, endowment)?  Do you really care how many books there are in the library?  It’s not like you are going to go there that much.  Do you really care about class size?  Only if you plan on going to class.  Frankly, if you aren’t going to go to class, it is easier to hide the fact that you are skipping in a big class.  There has to be a better way.  And that way is the Bofa D’s way.  So, in an effort to help our college bound readers, we proudly present our updated college rankings:

 

12. Ball State University: If you have read any of our content, there is no explanation needed why Balls-tate made it to our list. If you haven't read our content, go check out some deez nuts jokes and get yourself caught up.

11. Denison University:  According to their website, Denison University, located in Licking county's Granville, Ohio, was founded in 1831 and is a privately supported, coeducational college of liberal arts and sciences, offering three different bachelor's degrees (B.A., B.S., and B.F.A.) among 43 courses of study.  If that wasn’t enough to convince you to go there they have an all woman residence hall called Beaver Hall. If only Licking County had BallState University instead ... imagine the possibilities.

 

10. Rhode Island School of Design: RISD is more than just a school of design - they are home of the NADS.  That’s right, their mascot is the NADS!  Check it out: This offers the once in a lifetime chance to say “Go Nads!” and not get in trouble. If Nads are not enough, RISD’s basketball team is called: The Balls! 

 

9. Texas Christian University: TCU’s mascot is the Horned Frogs, which makes up for the fact that they are in Texas.horned frogs

 

8.  University of Southern California: Sure, you are thinking I put them on this list because their mascot is the Trojans.  Well, you have a dirty mind.  I put them on this list, because they have shown an affinity for fielding players with cool names.  For example alums include quarterbacks John David Booty, Carson “Rosie” Palmer, Mark "Dirty" Sanchez and running back Reggie Bush.

 

7. UC Santa Cruz: First off, everybody likes Santa.  Except perhaps non-Christians.  But even non-believers can rally behind the Banana Slugs.  No, there is no real innuendo there, but it’s just cool. Ho ho ho!

banana slug

 

6. Northwestern: Sometimes something can be so bad it’s good.  Don’t ask us for an example, or we’ll ask you to see Gigli.  You’re probably better off trusting us on this one.  Northwestern has the worst sports in the history of … sports.  In the 1980s their football team endured a 34 game losing streak.  That’s so bad, that’s awesomely bad.  Their suckitude at football is rivaled only by their ineptness at basketball.  NU’s basketball team has NEVER even gone to the NCAA basketball tournament.  So, if you go there and they somehow do make it to March Madness, you will be part of history.

5.University Nevada, Las Vegas: Ummm, why would we want to go to UNLV?  Let me think about it.  Hmmm.  Las Vegas.  I give up. What happens in UNLV stays in UNLV.  Except for the venereal diseases you will catch from a showgirl at an off-strip party.  Those will stay with you wherever you go in your post graduate endeavors.

 

4. Vanderbilt University: Rumor has it this place is a pretty good school.  Not to downplay the importance of education in education, but we just learned that this school was graded with an A+ for hot girls by collegeprowler.com.  I can understand an A+ in math or history, but in hot girls?  Vandy?  This upset of the century lands Vandy in the #4 slot.

 

3. Austin Community College:  They offer a video game development program.  Wait, I can go to college to play video games?  Awesome!  

 

2. Oregon State: Never been there.  Never met someone who went there.  Have no idea whether they even teach anything.  But their mascot is the Beavers, and gosh darn it, that has to count for something.

 

     

1.University of Hawaii: Yeah, it is located in Hawaii.  Big Freaking Deal.  Sure, they used to be called the Rainbow Warriors.  So what?  Plenty of schools have that mascot name.  No, this school makes number one on our list for one reason: It was ranked as the #1 best college for Asians: http://www.asian-nation.org/best-colleges.shtml.  That’s nothing to shake a stick at.  Did Harvard rank #1 for Asians?  Nope. Those fools didn’t even make the list.  What about Yale?  Nope.  Wayne State?  Well, yeah, they made the list - but they were only #17.

 Honorable Mention: Washington University Law School:  Wash. U. Law School isn’t even an undergraduate school, but it almost makes this list on the strength of location.  No, St. Louis isn’t that great.  We’re talking about the fact that it is located in “Anheuser-Busch Hall.”  For real.  Busch Hall.  Regardless of whether you think that sounds funny, you have to agree that it is awesome that there is a law school named after a beer company.

Santa Cat sez: Check out more fun stuff on BofaDs.com!



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