Wedding Checklist

So you've seen our Wedding Guide and it has inspired you to have an awesome wedding (because you probably were ready to settle for a lame one before you saw the site). And I'm sure you are thinking that your wedding will hinge on "important" things like flowers, bridesmaids' dresses, or even where the wedding is held. WRONG! Here at Bofa D's we want you to have the best wedding possible, and we can guarantee that you will have a wedding people will be talking about for years if you just follow our Wedding Checklist!

1. Weenies in a Blanket: Look, you want to serve food that people will actually want to eat. So during that before dinner time where the dudes walk around with plates of finger food, why not ditch the scallops wrapped in bacon and pick the one food we call all agree on? Well, except vegetarians, but they don't count.

2. Monkey Ringbearer: Cute little boys as ringbearers is so cliche. Why not impress your guests with a monkey dressed in a tux?

3. Mix it up: Speaking of cliche, how many weddings have you been to where the bride and groom wear a wedding dress and a tux? Probably all of them. But how many have you been too where the groom wears the wedding dress and the bride wears the tux? People WILL remember your wedding!

4. Hip First Dance Song: People have been getting married for literally hundreds of years. And there are probably at least a hundred weddings a year. That calculates to a lot of weddings. Well, by my records, the music industry isn't pumping out 100 romantic slow songs a year. It doesn't take a math genius to figure out that we're running out of slow songs for the first dance. So, why not add some hop to your hip and pick a gangsta rap song? Even if everyone jumps on board this new craze, we have at least 10 years before all the rap songs have been taken!

5. Kill Two Birds: I seriously hope you didn't take this literally and go out and kill two birds. I mean, kill two birds with one stone. Combine your wedding with a Super Bowl Party. The decorations will be much cheaper and your male guests will love it. Just make sure to get the big screen tv!

6. Ugly Bridesmaids: The only way to make sure that all the guests remember how beautiful the bride was is to surround her with really ugly people. By comparison, she'll look way better!

7. Don't Invite Anyone: Ok, here's the plan. Don't invite anyone at all. This will save on expenses...BIG TIME. Then, start a whisper campaign on the internet and around the office about how fun your wedding was. First, this will result in people thinking you had an awesome wedding. It will become the talk of the town. Eventually, people will feel left out that they weren't invited, so they'll try to play it off like they were actually there. They'll add some extravagant details that will make your wedding look even better. Eventually, they'll actually start to believe their own lies, and voila, you get all the benefits of having a wedding with NONE of the effort!

8. Give Your Guests Playstation III: You really only have to do this if I am a guest at your wedding.

9. Audience Participation: Let's face it. Weddings are boring. You need to find a way to engage your audience. How about this? Bring two grooms, stage a series of competitions at the wedding, and then have the audience pick who you marry.

10. Pump Fake: Why are weddings boring? Because we know exactly what is going to happen. But you are going to flip the script on that! When they say "do you take...?" you will say "Nah." People will be shocked! Wait a while, and then you can yell "Psych!" A good hearty chuckle will be had by all.

11. Register for a Bone:What better way for your guests to show that they care about you and the citizens of the world than to donate a Dinosaur Bone in Bofa D's honor from the Cincinnati Museum Center? Well, I guess they could donate it in your honor, but what's the fun in that?

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