Ten Signs it is Time to Break Up With Your Girlfriend

We know most BoFans don't have girlfriends. But we choose to focus on the positive - those few BoFans that do have girlfriends. Then again, odds are, your girlfriend sucks, and you should break up with her. This is not necessary 100% of the time ... just 95%. Given the fact that it is extremely likely that you are in a relationship that isn't going to end up in marriage how do you know if when it is time to break free of the ol' ball and chain? Read these Ten Signs it is time to Break Up With Your Girlfriend and find out:

1. She Throws Away Your Favorite T-Shirt: Yes, it is just a t-shirt. And yes, it had holes in it. And yes, it is now a size too small. But this is just the first step in your loss of control over your life. First it's the shirt. Next, your lucky boxers. Get out now while you can ... with your wardrobe intact.

2. Marriage Talk: I should qualify this. Bofa D's is 100% in support of marriage. But if you've gone on two dates, and she's already planning the wedding, you've already forfeited the one-year grace period most dudes get before pressure to buy a ring starts. Would you agree to die a year early? No. This is kinda the same thing.

3. She Takes Up SkyDiving or Other Dangerous Activities: These activities are not bad per se. But once she starts taking on risky behavior, she could get seriously hurt and fall into a coma. And if she's in a coma, you're stuck. Either you "do the right thing" and stay with her or you break up with her. If you stay with her, you are dating someone in a coma. That has to suck. If you dump her, you are the jerk who dumped someone while they are in a coma. And I'm not sure you can even break up with someone when they aren't even sentient. Either way, better to avoid this situation before it even develops in the first place.

4. She Asks You What You Did Last Night: Last night, all you did was play video games. You have nothing to hide. So why dump someone for asking? Well, it shows that she is interested in your life. And eventually, you are going to want to watch something on Lifetime network or something similarly embarassing. And since she's interested in your life, she's going to ask what you were up to. Then you either have to admit that you are lame, or lie. Since Bofa D's does not condone lying, you are now in a certified tough moral dilemma. Better to trade her in for someone who doesn't really care much about you so you don't have to consider lying down the road.

5. She Has a Cat: Even if you like cats, you should break up in case you develop a cat hair allergy later. Because I gotta tell ya, if it comes down to you and her cat, the cat is going to win.

6. She Kicks You In The Balls: I don't care if you deserved it. If she kicks you in the nads, she's likely to do it again. It's like how they kill bears in the wilderness once they taste human food. Ok, I don't know if they really do that. But you get the point. Once she sees how fun it is to kick a guy in the family jewels, she'll never stop. There's a reason why America's Funniest Home Videos is always showing clips of people getting hit in the nuts..

7. She Announces She is a Lesbian: By telling you this, she is not telling you she wants to have a threesome. She's telling you she likes women now. You? Not so much. If you can beat her to the punch and break up with her before she breaks up with you, you might save some of your dignity.

8.  She Buys You A Candiru Fish: Buying you stuff is cool. But buying you a fish that loves urine and will swim up your penis is not cool. What is it? A bad sign indeed.

9. She Calls You Curt: If she has an ex named Curt, you gotta break up with her because she's thinking about him when she's with you, and that is a good sign that she'd rather be with ol' Curt. If she has never dated a guy named Curt, you should break up with her because no one wants to be called Curt. That's a pretty sucky name. If your name is Curt, you can ignore this one.

10. She's Boning Other Guys: Do I really need to explain this one?

So, by now, if you had a girlfriend, you are probably deciding to be single again.


If you read the Guide and it did not cause you to break up with her immediately, she's a keeper. You should read Bofa D's Wedding Guide


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