Bofa D's Guide To Strange Minor League Mascots Part II

 

We've shown you ten mascots that are so strange they are awesome. Well, here are ten that are so strange that they are ... not awesome. That's not to say they totally suck, so check them out.

1. Blowie the Blowfish: The Columbia Blowfish are a minor league baseball team in the Coastal Plain League. As you can see, there is something vaguely creepy about Blowie. It all starts with his name - "Blowie" which just sounds kind of dirty- and kinda goes downhill from there. .

2. LouSeal: LouSeal is one of the mascots for the Columbus Clippers. I'm concerned that there is a dude mascot named Lucille, even if it is spelled "LouSeal" in a lame attempt at a pun (if you can't tell, he's a Seal). But I'm perhaps more disturbed by the fact that his shirt/vest thingy is wide open. Not very kid friendly and somewhat reminiscent of a 70s pornstar.

3. Green Trash Monster: This Portland Seadogs mascot is neither a dog or related to the sea. Does that mean that Portland also has a lot of trash? While Portland also has a lame looking "SeaDog" named Slugger, I'm more concerned that they choose to align themselves with a mascot named "Green Trash Monster." Furthermore, would it have taken too much effort to give him an actual name? I mean "Green Trash Monster" is descriptive, but lacks imagination. Even Slugger got one!

4. Cosmo: The Las Vegas Area 51s almost pulled this one off. Area 51 is where aliens are supposedly kept by the U.S. Government, so having an alien mascot is a great idea. And they built a cute (if slightly lame) backstory: According the the team's website "Cosmo is a survivor of a spaceship crash who spent time at "Area 51" and was a baseball phenom on his home planet of Koufaxia." But, why oh why did they have to pick Jar Jar Binks as the alien? There are so many aliens that are cooler: ET, the alien from Alien, Orko from He-Man, Marvin the Martian ... I could go on forever.

5. Sandy Sidewinder: This one had so much potential, but the execution was not so good. Sandy Sidewinder is the mascot for the Tucson Sidewinders. In theory, the selection of a sidewinder is an excellent mascot. I bet they have lots of snakes out there. Even the Sandy name is clever, since sidewinders like sandy areas. Then things went terribly wrong. Why the hell does this snake have arms?!?!?!

6. Big Lug: This has to be the saddest case of lost opportunity ever. The team is the Lansing Lugnuts. Not only is LugNUTS a great opportunity to slide in a funny joke, but their actual logo is a screw looking thing that I can only assume is a lugnut. However, they then threw away any chance at a cool mascot by picking a mascot that looks more like the lovechild of Barney and a walrus than a lugnut. Lame. So lame, I am boycotting Lansing. (Note: For more on Big Lug, and a startling reversal by Bofa D's, check out the stirring defense of Big Lug on the Comment Page)

7. Guilford: Guilford is the mascot of the Greensboro Grasshoppers. Grasshoppers are bugs, so he already has that strike against him. But to compound that, he doesn't really look like a grasshopper. He's green, but that's about as far as it goes. A for creativity, D for effort.

8. Gnate: I think this is an attempt at a play on "Nate" by the Savannah Sand Gnats. It's hard to like a mascot named after something as yucky as a sand gnat. Even though he looks like he wants to hug you, he still has vampire style fangs. Ewwww.

9. Belle: Belle, the Buffal Bisons mascot is described as "The Ballpark Diva." She looks more like Britney Spears than a Bison. I'm concerned that her skirt is way to short and she's showing too much cleavage. There is so much potential for a badass bison mascot, and instead we get a "singing sensation" who is "known for her fashion sense and sweet dance moves."

10. Hootz: The Orem Owlz are definately gangsta. First, they spell their team name "Owlz." Then they name their mascot "Hootz." Check him out, he's totally a pimp. Honestly, he should probably be on the top mascots page.

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